I've blown a few things in my day
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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