So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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