Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
