shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize