And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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