Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
