I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
