She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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