Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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