So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
