I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
are you so shy because you have an std?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
