Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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