My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
