i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
