She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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