he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
