making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
