You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
