i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
