Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
