I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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