i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
