you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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