So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
