my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
