You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
