we're chasing vodka with high fives
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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