I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
