So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
