i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize