it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
