I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
