Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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