the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
