My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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