I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize