My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
