He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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