Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
