I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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