I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
