idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
