i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
