Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
