hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
