"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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