I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize