R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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