so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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