I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
