I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
