found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
