So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
