sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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