dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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