you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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