Your face is a jimmy john
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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