You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
