I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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