smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
