Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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