just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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