If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
