saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
