he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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