So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize