Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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