Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
