pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
