Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My balls are so social today.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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