You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
