jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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