Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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