just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
