It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
