someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
