so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
