remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
