we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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