I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
