Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
