don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
