She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
