Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
