turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm passing your future prison.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
