I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm passing your future prison.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Your topless pictures make me question reality
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
