well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
