I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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