ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Jerry, you need to find god
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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