Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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