she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
