do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
