i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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