i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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