the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
