i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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