Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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