just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
