i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So much rum. So many feels.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
