the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The beer is more important than you right now.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
