I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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