she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We have started to decorate penises.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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