apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
