I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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