Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
