youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize