You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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